Okay, here it is, your choice...
it's simple, her or me, and I'm sure she is really great.
But, I love you, in a really, really big 'pretend to like your taste in music,
let you eat the last piece of cheesecake,
hold a radio over my head outside your window',
unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you.
So pick me, choose me, love me.
I've never found something that more accurately describes how I feel right this very moment.
How I've felt for the past month.
It's been a whole month.
One whole month of me being alone.
One whole month of having my heart broken.
And I will say, some days are easier than others.
Some days I feel great...I feel like where he and I are...we're supposed to be. It's perfect and I wouldn't change it.
And then other days come...and I feel like I can't breathe. My mind runs away with the situation and I start wondering, imagining, thinking too hard, and it feels like I'm trapped underwater with no way out. Those are the days I cry so hard my eyes are swollen. Those are the days that are the hardest.
I would be lying if I said I didn't think about the situation everyday. Because I do. I've thought about it at least once a day, everyday, for the past month. And today..a month later..I am here to tell you..I still wonder.
I wonder what if. I wonder why not me. I wonder why her.
I wonder if she makes him as happy as I made him. I wonder if she loves him as much as I do.
And maybe one day it'll be different. And maybe where we are right now is where we're supposed to be. But I still wonder.
And the wondering kills me.
I'm just not ready to stop loving him yet.