happy new year!

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Happy New Year!!!!

merry christmas.

Wishing you and your family

a very merry and blessed 

Christmas Day.

For a child will be born to us, a son will be given to us.

-Isaiah 9:6

oh holy night.

Long lay the world in sin and error pinning

Till He appeared and the soul felt its worth.

Praying for each and every one of my readers and their families...

And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love,
may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people,
to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ,
and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—
that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
-Ephesians 3:17-19

He was born to die...so we could live.

Merry Christmas Eve.

enjoy.

 

Watch. Enjoy. Pass it on. 

Amazing.

Merry Christmas Eve's Eve

:)

dear you.

I keep telling myself that I don't hate you. And the truth is, I don't.

I don't know you. And you don't know me, although you know of me.

You would walk by me in the grocery store without looking twice. And I'd probably walk by you too. I've seen a glimpse of you. Once. But I feel like I'll never forget it.

I have to keep telling myself I don't hate you because I feel like I should. I feel like I have the right to hate you.

There's a few things I wanted to say to you. But even if I was given the chance, I don't know if I could.

You helped someone break my heart.

You knew about me. And you chose, for whatever reason, that it was okay.

Let me tell you something. It isn't okay. It wasn't okay. It'll never be okay.

I was building a family. I was building a life. And in one fair sweep, you helped crumble it down. Now I'm left, to try to pick up the pieces with him. To try to find a new normal.

You were half of what took my normal away.

And sure, he was the other half. But this letter isn't about him. It's about you.

But even amongst all this, I don't hate you. I'm sad for you.

I'm sad that you thought degrading yourself this way was okay.

You deserve to be someone's number one. Not a hidden number two.

So even though I don't like you...I don't hate you.

I'm just sorry this happened.

For both of us.

blurbing it up.

I'm stealing borrowing this idea from one of my Twitter faves Gina, who stole borrowed this idea from one of her friends! It's basically just little ''blurbs'' of stuff. When you don't have enough stuff to make a whole post, so you just have a mind jumble of nonsense. :)

I have an addiction to medical dramas. Especially shows like Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice and I was an E.R. junkie. :) They make my heart race, then warm it up with love.

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This pregnancy has been really different in comparison to my last. I'm not as sick, although I'm pretty crazy sick. I'm also craving totally different things, except Mexican food. I love, love, love Mexican food when I'm pregnant.

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Some people think shows like 16 & Pregnant make getting pregnant at a young age look FUN. I think the opposite. If a teenager watching that show, has half a brain, nine times out of ten..they're fighting, the guy's leaving, the girl's on the brink of PPD. It doesn't look like fun. It looks like what it is: HARD, but rewarding, WORK.

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In addition to my addiction to medical dramas, I also have an addiction to law shows: Jail, Cops, Campus PD, Lockup, Police Women of Blank County. I just think it's so fascinating.

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I don't so much have an actual Christmas Wish List. Every time someone asks me what I want, I honestly have no idea.... I think it's so hard to shop for pregnant women. You can't buy them clothes or shoes really. Well...you could buy them clothes, but a. I don't want maternity clothes because you're hardly in them and b. If I got non-maternity clothes while I was pregnant I'd have a mental breakdown.

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H-Man didn't get too many things for Christmas, for a few reasons. a. It's not the reason for the season. (that sounds corny, but it's true...and I don't want to start that idea with him.) and b. He'd much rather eat the paper than anything else.

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I'm going to write a post about depression-like feelings during pregnancy soon. Admittedly, it's tough to write. It was tough for me to say on Twitter that I felt pretty depressed and down most days. You're supposed to be happy as can be when pregnant. Lately, because of outside things I'm going through..I'm not. It doesn't mean I'm not happy to be pregnant. It just means I'm not happy with things currently. Pregnancy and the little one growing inside of me has nothing to do with it.

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Speaking of that little one, if it doesn't show me the goods on whether or not it's a boy or girl soon..I'm going to have a long talking to with it. It's going to be grounded before it leaves my uterus. ;)

motherhood changed me.

That seems like a pretty obvious statement....

I mean, who doesn't get changed by motherhood.

I'm not talking about the typical changes. I'm talking about something more than that.

In January, when I was pregnant with H-Man...someone asked me what my plans were for the baby. What my sleeping thoughts were, what my vaccination thoughts were, what my birth plan or labor thoughts were...basically she got me thinking.

I remember so distinctly, I laughed and said "H will get ALL his shots. I'm not going to tell a doctor what to do during labor, they know. And he's going right into the crib when we get home." (I didn't even have a bassinet...) And if you had asked me right then if I wanted an epidural, you would have sold me.

Now...HA! Look at me.

Labor? My water broke, on a Monday night. Contractions started. I walked. And walked. And walked. And walked. I was on an all-liquid diet (blech) just in case I was going to need a c-section. They kept suggesting I might want to start pitocin. I answered with a quick but very polite "Nope! We're fine! Thanks!" And I really was fine. My baby was fine. I was watching the monitors. Twenty four hours passed and c-section was mentioned. "Nope! We're fine! Thanks!". Now I was in some serious pain. "Pain meds?" "Nope! We're fine! Thanks!" In the end, my little one was born...all naturally, without meds, on my own, on Wednesday. After water breaking on Monday. And he was fine. No pain meds. I did it.

Vaccinations? Well if you've read my last post you already know my stance on that.

Crib sleeping? H still sleeps with me. In bed. He goes to sleep on his schedule, I put the toddler bed side up. And hop in bed when I'm ready to. We both sleep better this way.

And to boot. I cloth diaper.

Motherhood completely changed me.

I never thought I'd be a cloth diapering, breastfeeding, babywearing, co-sleeping, naturally delivering, vaccination declining mama. Never. Ever.

And I wouldn't change it for the world.